It is dark Advent time. For me it started on November 12th.
I have sadness over the events at our Presbytery meeting that day. As one who knows almost all of you I am aware of many of the wounds each of you carry. The rebuke of one of our teaching elders that was delivered and the way some responded to the rebuke caused further injury and rubbed salt in old wounds. I was saddened by the hurt many of you felt and my spirit cries for your pain. Although our leaders seemed to handle the circumstances with grace and calm, it felt to me that our Presbyterian system and way of doing things did not work well. That system was good for its time, but in today’s world it feels broken and inadequate for dealing with the complexity of the issues and dynamics of today.
So I am feeling grief, and perhaps you are too, for all that has been lost, and for the woundedness of people that are our brothers and sisters in Christ. I am feeling the stages of grief in ways unique to our current circumstances:
• Denial – in saying that the Church isn’t falling apart
• Anger – in feeling that “they” are destroying the church
• Bargaining – in trying to do something to make it all go away and be solved
• Depression – that nothing seems to stop our injuries and decline
• Acceptance – that the church as we know it will die, but something else will be born.
I am feeling lost. That may be nothing new for God’s people: we were lost in the wilderness and in the exile. But it is not a comfortable place to be. However, that is where we are and with some confidence I can say that I believe that this is the era into which God has called us. To wish for something else, or even to try to take charge and change our current place, simply isn’t going to make our pain go away.
I’m left with a question: “Who do I choose to be for this time?” I’m coming to some answers. I choose to lament our losses as Jeremiah did. I choose to repent of the way I have hurt others and the Body of Christ. I choose to look at the God in the burning bushes of this wilderness (and there are many!). I choose hope in the God who has a new land for us somewhere down this long journey. I choose to be thankful for the manna that appears, the companions with whom I walk, the opportunities to love the places and people around me, and the chances to sing and dance a hymn of praise.
“Who do you choose to be for this time?”
Your servant in Christ, Dana